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Saturday, March 12, 2011

{Significant Other Saturday} Respect = Love

One of the things that Sylvia Hubbard suggested when blogging is to give specific themes to days of the week. The theme for Saturday will be "Significant Other".
I'm no expert on love but I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. I am divorced but it was because I left; much to my then husband's chagrin. In the years that followed my separation and eventual divorce I dated several dudes who took my awesomeness for granted. Without exception, all of them have come back trying to get on.I've been blessed with an awesome boyfriend who I'm totally going to marry. He's strong, sweet, affectionate, caring, and tender but make no mistake about it; he is ALL man.

I've made it a point to treat my relationships that have proceeded my marriage as if they are jobs; bringing the same "do's and don'ts" to the table.

Bring the skills and successes that helped you succeed in your former position. 
Listen to your superiors and watch others around you who have been successful in their roles for pointers. 
Have an enthusiastic attitude about the new opportunity. 
Wear your old uniform to the new job (leave the baggage at the last place of employment).
Listen to disgruntled coworkers who have had no success in the workplace. 
Try to implement procedures that are not meant for a better place. 
(Don't do the things that got you fired or caused you to quit the last job)

I got married in 2003 in between my good friend Amirh and her best friend Veronica. At Veronica's wedding, I heard the Pastor tell the couple to be that the key to a good marriage was respect and love. If the woman respects the man, he will give her love. It made total sense to me and I took that lesson home with me to use in my marriage. In the years that have passed, my ex-husband has figured out that what he thought was bad in a marriage with me are 'problems' that he would now welcome. 

I try my best not to make it seem that our marriage failed completely because of him, but, it really kinda did. I was no longer able to deal with the outrageous expectations that had been set for me and the emotional abuse that came along with me not being able to reach the impossible standards that he had for me. In spite of it all; I don't regret marrying him. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have my daughter and I wouldn't have gotten the firsthand insight into the dark recesses of a man's mind. 

My ex-husband lacked the ability (maybe just the couth) to keep things to himself that would be emotionally damaging by blurting them out. Having lived with this charming characteristic of his for the better part of 5 years has given me awesome insight into what men are really thinking. 

What I've learned is this; men are simple. They want a woman who is submissive. This should not be confused with subservient. Understanding that the man is the head in a household is paramount.
Now, since the man is the head, what does that make the woman? Answer; the neck.
Think about it. What good is a head without a neck? The neck is what allows the head to turn. It is what delivers all of the blood to the head. What good is a neck without a head? Useless. One cannot function without the other in a relationship so it is best not to try. 

Men want to feel valued. They want to be your hero, your protector and champion. In return, a hot meal and a silence during Sports Center will make you the best. wife. ever. 

Another thing; men speak about 10,000 words per day. Women average upwards of 25,000 so by the time he gets home from work; you're just getting started. Don't turn him into one of your girlfriends. Bogging him down with the ins and outs of your day and all the things that you and your mother talked about are of no consequence to him. The fact that he even looks interested while you're talking should tell you that he loves you. Do him and yourself a favor; call your homegirl on the ride home and chat it up with her about the interoffice gossip that you just HAVE to spill. Save the good conversation for the hubby. 

Men are doers. Women are talkers; it's just the way we're made. That's where many of our issues come from; our mouths. Considering what we're going to say to our men and how we say it will make all the difference in your interaction with one another and, your relationship. 

Kindred the Family Soul "Love We Share"

1 comment:

  1. "If the woman respects the man, he will give her love." .... Did the pastor really say this?! double you tee eff!