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Saturday, September 15, 2012

Love Heals All Wounds

The old adage "time heals all wounds" is true, but I think love, in cases of heartbreak is what heals all wounds.
As I went through being duped and subsequently dumped, there were two men who ushered me from that dark alley of bitterness into the tunnel of love. The first was my cousin Vern and the second was the man who would love me past my pain and show me what real love is, my would be husband Jerry.
After being dumped, I was in a state of confusion and shock. What had I done wrong? Vern's answer; nothing. Dude wanted out. Plain and simple. He admitted that "the no sex thing" couldn't have helped the relationship, but that aside, my ex boyfriend was incapable of being honest with me.
Vern spent several days talking me through the mind of a man. Sharing his own story of being dumped by a woman he had moved out of the state for. If the sexes were reversed, it WAS the same story. She became distant and told him " I think we should see other people."
It was Vern who encouraged me to get back on the horse right away. I thought I should give myself the obligatory "half the length of the relationship" time off, which in my case would mean 8 1/2 months.
I liked the idea of moving on in spite of being dumped. I felt empowered instead of vulnerable and weak. In those first days, the encouraging calls and texts from my cousin were what helped me talk about my feelings to others which gave me the perspective and clarity to move forward.
The love from the men in my life, especially Jerry, is what healed my heart. Once you see what real love is, you laugh at what you thought it had been.
Looking back, I allowed my attraction to my ex boyfriend and the few gestures of love that he showed me to delude me into believing that I was in love. The blissful months that we spent together in the beginning blinded me from the obvious; he wasn't the man he wanted me to believe he was in the beginning and he wanted none of the things he told me were must haves to be in a relationship with him.
Jerry has been the answer to all of my prayers for the kind of man I wanted as a husband. He loves my daughter as his own, loves me as I am, is selfless, considerate, kind, and easy on the eyes. All of the things I listed as must haves and nice to haves on my list are checked off now.
Had I consulted my own list, it would have been clear to me that I was settling when it came to my former relationship. It took true love for me to see that.
Having real men in my life who cared enough to explain what was obvious from their perspective is what allowed me to meet, love, and marry Jerry. Almost 9 months into our relationship and 7 months into our marriage, things couldn't be better and I couldn't be happier.
Because of his role in our relationship coming together, and because of the example that we know he and his wife will set, we've asked Vern and his wife to be Heather's God Parents.
Talk about a happy ending. Who'da thunk it?