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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Life. Is. Good.

When you've lived the kind of life I've lived and had the type of experiences that I've had; making that kind of statement is not only bold, but almost an invitation for an attack of some sort. Even with that in mind; I've got to reiterate. Life. Is. Good.
My job had been irritating me for a while but I realized that it was a mess of my own making. My home situation has changed completely and I find myself RUSHING to get home. I can't recall a time in my life when I've ever felt that way. Ever.
My boyfriend is amazing and I'm no longer using my mother's vehicle.
Since October, when my most recent vehicle killed itself, I've been using my mother's Explorer to transport my daughter to her while I work. Both of these favors (some might say duties) have apparently been very burdensome to her. A fact she made known very crassly and at a very inopportune time. The very next morning, not 24 hours later; I bought a vehicle of my own. A 25 year old Jeep that quickly took on the nickname "The Pig". Why? Because it's a hooptie, no sense in sugarcoating it. Who puts lipstick on a pig? (And it IS a Jeep; their made to roll around in the mud). No one in their right minds. It runs well enough and should last me while I save up for a GOOD car. A nice little foreign 5 speed that I can dress up.
It feels good picking my daughter up from my parents house and not having to pull my mother's keys off the table, feeling some kind of way for coming in, getting my little girl and walking back out without removing my coat.
The next step is to relieve her of her child care duties. There's a daycare less than a mile from my house; the same one my best friend sends her kids to. By putting her there; I'll be able to save an hour each way everyday when I drop her off and pick her up.
I'm feeling humbled at the direction my life is taking because in my 30 years; I can't say that I've been content, or happy in my space.
It's especially easy for me to recognize all of my blessings because so many of my friends and associates are going through so much right now personally, professionally and emotionally. I can only be thankful. I go to an amazing church with an even better Bishop.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Walk it off and don't cry in front of strangers!

I felt like such a punk yesterday. As I was walking to my work van, I rolled my ankle, collapsing my weight under it. I heard a pop and was in instant pain. I tried to walk it off; to pray over it and keep it moving but to no avail. I was on my way to a 9 o'clock appointment and most likely; a $3,000 day.
Defeated; I walked back into the clinic, holding back tears and asking for help. After calling my boss, examinations and x-rays, I was driven to my parents house by my boss and told to rest and follow the instructions from the clinic. I picked up my daughter, got in my truck and came home.
Once we were home; both of us were hungry so I undertook the task of making ramen noodles. It took forever.
Hobbling around on crutches trying to put the water into the noodles, put it in the microwave, drain it, season it, put it in the freezer to cool off... It was extremely laborious and tiring. I ended up needing a nap.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Integrity means doing the right thing when no one is looking or when you won't be rewarded for it. Yesterday, I almost failed the integrity test. Let me back up a bit.
So, last Saturday, I moved out of the house of horrors into my own (emphasis on OWN) home. A comparable 3 bedroom bungalow not far from the home I had been renting for nearly three years. My oldest brother, father, Godson and boyfriend moved me in in under three hours.
For the first time ever; I've got new living room furniture and a new bed (not a new mattress though). It's a really amazing feeling to have my own crib. It's so quiet here, peaceful. It's an unfamiliar and welcome feeling.
So yesterday, was Valentine's eve. My boyfriend and I work long days and live on polar opposite ends of town so we celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday. Aside from the previous Saturday when he helped me move; I hadn't seen him in a month! On moving day; he was here all of 90 minutes before it was over with and the snow storm started.
We were all alone with nothing but space and opportunity. I was making dinner; stir fry and fried rice, nothing fancy. As I was standing over the stove, he hugged me from behind. I was ready to disregard our celibacy vow. Let's go." I said, seriously. He perked up and pulled me into an embrace, we pecked quickly on the lips and I told him to go get a condom from the gas station on the corner. We parted ways; him toward the front door, me to my bedroom and we stopped, almost at the same moment. There was silence. Neither of us facing the other. I spoke first. "Is this where we come to our senses?" I asked.
He turned around and sat on the couch, I sat beside him. "We need to make a decision one way or the other and stick to it." I said. "Make a decision? I thought we did that already."
That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to cosign for what I was down to do. Instead, he talked me down and reminded me as to why we made the decision that we did. For salvation, discipline and a mutual love and respect for one another. He admitted that it was not what he wanted to say or in line with what he was feeling but it was the right thing.
Shortly after, we prayed together, asking for forgiveness and for strength to endure.
Admittedly; I'm disappointed in myself. I thought I was stronger than I showed myself to be yesterday. There was no steamy make out session that led to me deciding that I was ready to forego the past 14 months of celibacy. Just a choice in my own mind that giving in would be worth more than the promise I'd made to God.
I'm so grateful that my boyfriend stood firm, otherwise, I would have been kicking myself today and denying both he and I of the rewards we are certain to reap for our sacrifice.

Happy Valentine's Day.