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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Who I am... But why should you care?

I've always been good at writing. It's one of those things that comes naturally to me. I think that because of this, I've taken being a writer for granted and I've never given it the attention that it really deserves.

For a long time, I didn't know what to do with it. I always knew I had something to say, but in the back of my mind, I would ask myself, why should anybody give a shit what you have to say?
The truth is; I don't know. Why SHOULD anyone want to listen to what I have to say? My story isn't that different from everyone else's is it?

Actually, it is and here's why.

How many people you know that are products of a broken home? A lot, right?
What about the child of a crackhead? Still more than a few, I'm sure.
Grew up in the ghetto?
How many divorcees?
Single moms?
I'm sure you know someone from each category.
How bout an ex-gay?

I am all of these rolled up into one.

Statistically, I don't know where I should be in life based on all of these negatives. Looking at it in writing, I feel extremely lucky to even be able to say that I'm still here.

My crackhead dad and I are the best of friends now.
My mom is remarried (twice over) and living in a nice suburb.
I haven't lived in the ghetto in more than a decade.
I've been happily divorced for almost two years and next year, I'm getting married to that awesome boyfriend of mine that I talk about all the time.
And, I haven't been with a woman in nearly a decade and though I am still very much the tomboy; I no longer get offended when a woman gives me the twice over trying to see which team I'm on.

At the end of the day; I feel blessed for all the things I've been through, even the stuff that was self imposed. I'm a better person for it. There's something to be said about being a writer. You have to expose yourself to the world and that is not easy, lemme tell ya. Being a non-fiction writer is especially tough because it calls for more self analyzing than any one person should do.

I've questioned my sanity at times because I hear myself, talking to myself, about myself ALL the time. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I write; to express all of those things that me, myself and I are talking about up there.

But the big question is; why should you care? I got a little insight yesterday from my aunt:

My daughter had her 5th birthday party yesterday. Everyone was there. My Aunt Nita; the family matriarch, commented on how Shey was soaking up being the center of attention. I laughed like "who did she get that from?" Aunt Nita looked at me like I was stupid and said "Her Mama."
I shook my head and laughed. "Just because I command attention doesn't mean I'm trying to be the center of attention."

She smiled sweetly, impressed with my answer. I was serious. I've never tried to be the center of anything. I'm introverted and actually pretty shy. Over the years though, I've had to get over it. Mostly because of the types of jobs I've found myself in or because when in a group setting; people naturally defer and let me take the lead. I've gotten used to it and now, I'm trying to embrace it with the hope that whatever it is that people see in me will translate into people who will like my writing. The way people like reality TV shows... Yeah, that's kinda what it's like; reading reality.


  1. I like this. Your life (your background) anyway is more like than unlike more people than you can imagine. It is why I write too. Your writing brings a sense of "reality" back into the world of "choreographed reality" television often offers. Keep writing--I for one, will keep reading. Thanks!

  2. I really appreciate you reading my blog Tracy and for the kind words! Thank you.

  3. I love this article. I just had a discussion about how people say I like being the center of attention but I hate it. Its like you said I am shy but because of situations and you forgot to say how smart yand intuitive you are, that it just happens. Thanks sis!

  4. I love this post and I love your blog! PERIOD!

  5. This by far is my favorite post and I must agree with your aunt Nina and I think the raw defintion of Achsha means center of attention